Pursuing Friendships in the Wake of Rejection

“I gotta go straighten up, I’m having the girls over tonight,” she said as we got off the phone. I sat there with the phone pressed against my ear long after the call had ended. She was having her friends over and I wasn’t invited.
Throughout life, each one of us has experienced exclusion. From classmates chatting excitedly about this weekend’s sleepover to friends planning get-togethers without you to coworkers talking excitedly about last night’s dinner in the break room. This particular conversation on the phone, however, stung more than usual.

The woman on the other end of the call was my childhood best friend.

Over the past few months, I watched her form friendships with pretty amazing women at church, many of whom I had become friends with as well. But on this day it became apparent that I was not one of “the girls.” As the night went on, her social media profile filled with pictures of the ladies on their fun night together. They were smiling, laughing, and enjoying wonderful fellowship. Each picture was followed with the hashtag #jesusgirls.
Oh, how I wanted so badly to be a part of the #jesusgirls that night. Rejection slithered in like a snake and began feeding me lies. Que the feelings of abandonment and the negative inner monologue that many of us have unfortunately had.

Rejection comes from the Latin word rēicere which literally means “to throw back.”

And that is exactly what it tempts us to do. We can be thrown back into the shadows of despair. That’s what I did. I retreated. I stopped attending social functions. I canceled plans and stopped opening up in group Bible studies out of fear of further rejection. I pretended that I was comfortable in isolation. That I preferred to be home on the couch eating a Ben and Jerry’s and binge-watching Netflix. Fear of rejection kept me in a place of familiarity and isolation.
Retreating from relationships out of fear doesn’t actually help us in the long run though. Trying to do life alone is detrimental. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, “two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity and one who falls and has no one to help them up.” This verse emphasizes the benefits of companionship, friendship, and that sharing of life that brings relief from isolation.

It continues in verse 12 which says, “though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

The nerdy nurse inside of me couldn’t help but think of the human heart when reading that verse. The chordae tendineae, commonly known as the heart strings, are a group of elastic/collagen strands in the heart. To prevent the valves in our heart from blowing out under the extremely high blood pressure within the ventricles of the heart, these strands hold and support the valves to remain closed or open while the heart pumps vital blood to our body. Since the force of the blood is so strong one cord would not be sufficient enough to do this job, so there are multiple strings working together, supporting life. Isn’t God amazing?!
Just like the heart, we need people in our lives for support. We need them in the good times and in the bad times. We need them to keep us from blowing out under pressure, much like the strings in our hearts.

It didn’t’ take long for me to crumble under life’s pressures in my isolation.

I began longing for friendships once again. I cried out to my Father. I immersed myself in His truths and protected myself against the lies. In Christ, I found comfort and healing that I never could have found from another person. God used this season of loneliness to draw me closer in my relationship with Christ. And in that, I found freedom. Freedom from rejection and the chains that come with.

As I realigned my identity in Christ, I once again embraced His love for me. 

From a place of fullness in Christ, God gave me the courage to start branching out again. I started by simply keeping plans that were made with friends. I determined to make my yes a yes and my no a no. I accepted invites to things I normally would never have said yes to. I went to a Lauren Daigle concert where I knew only one person in a group of women. I accepted coffee dates on my only day off of work while my house was a mess. I joined Bible studies as well as began leading one.
None of these things are easy for someone who has dealt with relational rejection. These simple things were difficult and awkward for me internally. I had to fight the lies that told me I was unloved and would never fit in. God has been faithful to me.
Throughout this journey, I have met people that I never would have met and formed relationships that would have otherwise never happened if I didn’t say yes.

Once we step out of our comfort zone and pursue relationships from a place of love, things begin to change. 

As we navigate through life we form many different types of relationships. Some of these relationships are lifelong and some are for a season in our life. Each relationship formed in your life needed to happen in order for you to be who you are today. God is using the joys, sorrows, rejection, and acceptance to draw us closer to Him.
Looking back now, I’m grateful for my friend on the other line that day. I will park my mind in a place of sweet memories and gratitude of the journey God has used to grow me closer to Him and to others. I now know that I don’t have to be a #jesusgirl to accepted. I am already Jesus’s girl — and because of that, I will never be alone.
Please share your thoughts with me below!

• How have you faced relationship rejection?
• What do you think God wants to teach you in the midst of that rejection?

Hope for the Christian Girl Suffering from a Chronic Illness

didn’t want to miss this opportunity. Migraines had pulled me down one too many times and I wasn’t letting them have the upper hand on this day.
I pulled myself out of the hotel bedroom. I walked towards the mirror. It didn’t look good.
I grabbed my makeup case, loaded up the concealer, and lathered on a few extra coats of mascara. Extra mascara always helps me look less sick.
There’s just something about dark lashes that makes one look alive.

The clock was ticking. I needed to get out of the room.

With my head literally pounding and my body feeling incredibly nauseous, I walked out of that Indianapolis hotel room and headed for the convention center.  
The next few hours of my evening were absolutely awful. Once I made it to the convention center, I walked to the live stream recording room for the 2018 True Woman Conference. I had been asked to help host an evening of live streams with my amazing friend, Erin Davis, and I didn’t want to miss. I loved Erin, I loved True Woman, and I loved having the opportunity to be involved in a more meaningful way.

My migraine was going to have to wait.

To be honest, I’m not even sure how I made it through the first segment of the live stream. God must have been giving me an extra measure of grace that night. I felt AWFUL on the inside but looked alive and healthy on the outside. No one watching would have ever known that I was sick as a dog that night.
The moment the live stream ended, I literally sprinted behind the vendor curtains (where I assumed nobody would be) and threw up out of total nauseousness.
I sat behind the curtain just throwing up and crying. I didn’t want to be sick. I’d already missed most of the conference. I just wanted to be well and enjoy helping with the live stream.

That wasn’t in God’s plan for me that night.

Instead of staying and continuing to help host, I Ubered back to my hotel room where I found myself face down in the toilet throwing up for the majority of the night.
Yep, it was ugly.
Chronic illness. Chronic sickness. Chronic health issues. Whatever you want to call it, it’s no fun. My experience with a chronic health issue started when I was about 13 and has persisted to this day.
I suffer from chronic migraines. I used to get them about six-eight times a month and now I get them maybe two-three times a month. I’m grateful for the wisdom of health nutritionists, family, and a super sweet husband who loves me and takes care of me every time I find myself unable to function for a few days.

Honestly, I know that many of you suffer in much greater ways than I do.

Migraines are my “thorn in the flesh,” but I know many of you have greater “thorns” than me. I am so sorry about whatever it is that you suffer with. It’s hard. It’s painful. And if we’re honest, it often times can feel like a lonely journey.
This blog isn’t intended to give you all of the answers, but to let you know that I (in a small way) get it. I get what it’s like to have an “incurable” chronic health issue that you wish would just go away.  I get what it’s like to miss work again and again. I get what it’s like to miss the party, conference, date, event, church service, etc etc. I’ve missed so many amazing parties and events that I’ve lost count.
If you find yourself struggling from a chronic illness, I want you to know that there is hope.
There is hope because of these reasons…

1. This is Not Your Home

I find so much hope knowing that this isn’t it. This isn’t my home. One day, I go home to be with Jesus where all of the pain and suffering will be gone. Our Saviour will wipe away every tear and we will no longer have to suffer.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Rev. 21:4
For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come. Hebrews 13:14

2. You will Get a New Body

This body is passing away. One day in Heaven Jesus is gonna give you a new perfected body. I encourage you to read 2 Corinthians 5:11-10 which talks about this concept. I know that this life feels long. It can feel weary. It can feel painful. It can feel lonely. Have hope, this too will pass. Jesus came to earth, gave up His life, was beaten and unjustly murdered so that we could one day spend eternity in Heaven with Him. I can’t wait for the day when we will be with Jesus and live forever in Heaven with Him.

3. God Can Use You in Mighty Ways

I encourage you to look to the One who is your strength. Don’t look at your weaknesses and think of all that you “can’t” do. Look to Jesus and remember that He is the one who gives the strength. He empowers. He strengthens. He provides He gives the opportunities. He doesn’t measure “ability” as the world does. He looks at the heart.
For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Sam. 16:7b
There are so many amazing people in Scripture (and in modern day) who didn’t have the “ability” but God used in incredible ways. He gave them the ability. I love the example of Joni Eareckson Tada. She is a woman who has chosen to live all out for Jesus. She knows true power and strength come from Him and she’s allowed Him to enable her to do the impossible through her life.

4. You are on a God-defined Mission

This might not seem like a very hope-filled truth, but it is. This life isn’t about you and what you want to accomplish. It’s all about bringing glory to God in whatever way He sees fit. Some of us will have (like Paul) a “thorn in our flesh” that we just wish God will take away. Often times God doesn’t. He wants us to depend on Him and serve Him in spite of the thorn. He wants to show through our lives that true power comes from God (not from man).
Remember, you are on a God-defined mission. You are here to fulfill Christ’s command found in Matthew 28 which says,
“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Don’t believe the lie that your illness prevents you from doing that. It doesn’t! Pray and ask God to show you how He wants to use you to fulfill this command.

I don’t know your story. I don’t want to simplify your pain. I know life can be extremely hard.  

My prayer is that you and I will take our eyes off of our sickness long enough to remember these four truths. Even if it’s hard. Even if it’s painful. Will you join me in surrendering the fear, worry, anxiety, and trusting that God can use the “least of these” to do incredible things for His Kingdom?
I would love to hear from you. What’s your story? How have you found hope through your chronic illness?

How to Wear Makeup in a Feminine and God Honoring Way

Back in high school, I had the most unexpected run-in with a random dad in regards to the amount of makeup on my face. I was attending a Christian conference and chatting with a few sisters I had met, when their dad suddenly slipped into our conversation.
After several minutes of casual chatting, he looked and me and politely stated the following:
“You have naturally beautiful features,” he said, ” but the amount of makeup you’re wearing seems to be covering them up. As a dad and a man, I think you would look a lot better than you think with less makeup.”

Slightly shocked and stunned at his bold comment, I thanked him for his “fatherly” advice and quickly formulated an exit plan.

At the time, I thought the volume of my makeup was perfect. I thought this dad was totally off and completely out of touch with modern beauty.
Well, ten years later I’m humbled to report that this random dad was 100% right.
I’m actually embarrassed to show people my high school pictures due to the dark, thick, layers of eye makeup masking my face. My parents tried to tell me that less was more, but I didn’t listen. I always thought more was better.
Like so many young girls, I saw the models on billboards and magazine covers and quickly formulated my opinion of beauty based on them.

Since these models wore dark, heavy makeup, I naturally did the same.

I wanted to look “beautiful” too.
Instead of looking feminine, classy and pretty, my makeup distracted from my natural features and portrayed more of a sexual, flirty and seductive look.
I see young girls today in the same boat.
Is it wrong to wear makeup? I don’t think so. The Bible isn’t opposed to women looking beautiful – it’s opposed to women looking seductive and worldly. I view makeup as a tool. And like any tool, it depends on the user to get the best results out of it.
So how can we, as Christian girls, wear makeup in a God honoring and feminine way?

1. Keep it natural.

Some people view makeup as a bad thing because they say it hides our natural God-given beauty. This opinion is valued, but I happen to cordially disagree. When used in the right way, I believe makeup can enhance our natural God-given beauty, not hide it.
Just like we comb our hair, shave our legs, brush our teeth, and pluck our eyebrows – makeup can help freshen our appearance. There’s nothing “more godly” about displaying the dark circles under my eyes after a night of little sleep.

By applying a natural amount of concealer and foundation, my skin gets an overall appearance boost.

Those untimely pimples and red spots (a result of our fallen bodies) get nicely covered up without changing the natural look of my face.
When applying makeup, choose colors that enhance the natural colors of your face. My eyelashes are a light (light) brown, so I enhance them by applying a dark brown (to soft black) mascara.
I use a thin line of eyeliner to frame the natural shape of my eyelids, I use an eyebrow pencil to slightly darken the natural color of my eyebrows, and I use a natural bronzer to add a little color to my face.

2. Keep it feminine.

God obviously made guys and girls to look different. He intentionally made women to be beautiful and feminine in appearance. When applying makeup, strive to enhance your God-given femininity, not take away from it.
We live in a culture where makeup is often used to create a seductive and sexualized look on women. This should not be our goal. The Bible has a lot to say about worldly women (Proverbs 7, ) and we need to avoid that “look.”

3. Keep it classy

I hate to say it, but too much eye shadow, lipstick, and eyeliner can sometimes look plain trashy. Trying new colors can be fun, but it takes a bit of artistic skill to apply color in a classy and organized way. Since we serve a God of order and organization, we want our faces to reflect that.
We don’t want our faces to distract people from getting to know the “real us” either. We don’t want our eye shadow to be so crazy and colorful that it steals the show. As Christians girls, we want our faces to be welcoming and inviting so we can share the love of Christ with others.

Makeup is a tool and can be used for good or for bad.

It’s up to us to wisely use it in a God honoring way. Obviously the Bible doesn’t give us a makeup tutorial, so it’s up to us to discern and pray about how to honor God best in this area.
For some of you, makeup might not be something you choose to wear, and that’s perfectly alright! For others, you may choose to wear it and that’s perfectly alright too. We need to be careful not to place our own convictions and rules on other people when the Bible doesn’t.

Be wise. Use discernment. Look natural. Reflect a God of order. That’s my advice to you.

Now it’s your turn to share!

• Do you wear makeup? If so, why did you choose to wear it? If not, why did you choose not to wear it?
• What makeup products and brands do you use? I’d love to hear your favorite makeup tips!